I haven't made a post on here in a while. I couldn't tell you why, it's not from a lack of needing to express myself, or from a lack of willingness to write, it just got tucked away with all the other things in the back of my mind and got lost somewhere in the clutter.

Reading back over my over thought, emotional rants is a strange thing. Sure, I look at some of the things I wrote and cringe, it's like reading bad teenage poetry, only I'm in my mid 20s, so it's slightly worse. But there are some things I look at, the positives, and I realise that that's how I felt and how I should be feeling, in a sense this makes a great substitute for a functioning memory.

Even compared to before I'm so much better, emotionally, mentally, possibly even physically. Things that terrified me before, anxieties that I've had for what could be years, are fading away. I used to worry about seeing certain people, just the idea of passing them in the street made my throat tighten and my pulse quicken. Now that's all changing, I guess I'm growing stronger because I feel more like fighting now than running away.

That feeling seems to have stretched into every corner of my life, I'm starting to feel more capable, more confident, more like I used to be before I lost myself. It was a terrible time for sure, I had no self respect, I let people walk all over me just so I didn't feel alone. For some reason I didn't think I could cope without constantly being around someone, now I realise that just made things worse.

It's been difficult, no doubt about it. I still have bad days, days when I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, days when I have everything laid out for myself but I can't put in that little bit of effort, but nobody's perfect, don't judge yourself on your failures, base your life around your successes and push as hard as you can, sure you'll falter, but dwelling on your mistakes will just pull you further from success.

In a random, unrelated note, I checked out the pageviews for this blog, I wasn't even aware anyone looked at it, I thought it was tucked away in blogger's bowels. Anyway, for whatever reason apparently people are reading this, so thanks for that, I hope you enjoy it in some way, despite the ranting, and apparently some of you are German too, so for now, auf wiedersehen.